I Own 24 Boxes of Screaming Yellow Zonkers!

A few days ago we found some info mentioning Screaming Yellow Zonkers being sold at Walgrens...which we don't have around here. That brought back memories of when we used to find them at...of all places...CVS (aka People's Drug Store)...as they say on the box...crispy light butter-glazed popcorn...the taste that speaks for itself! I immediately headed for the web and proudly typed in Screaming Yellow Zonker in the Google box and waited anticpating nirvana. And, there it was...second one down...Lincoln Snacks Company...right where they've been all this time. [Very satisified sigh]

So, of course I had to order some, right? I just wasn't sure how many or what size...decisions, decisions...4 oz box (the box points out that this is "one eight thousand eight hundred fifty of a metric ton') or 8 oz box? I decided after much thought to get the 4 oz box because that sounded littler...what can I say? I've always had math anxiety. Next, how many? Oh Boy! The minimum order is 12 boxes. Okay. If they were small, then that wouldn't be very much for everyone. I order 24 boxes! What the heck!

When I got home from work today there were two cartons on the front porch. Hmmmm. They were pretty big, too. Hmmm. Hauled them in the house and sure enough SCREAMING YELLOW ZONKERS! Awesome! And the 4 oz boxes? Very nice size...like a box of cereal size. Oh Man! 24 boxes. I was so excited to see them I took them out of the cartons and lined them up on the table...just like an old friend...24 of them.

Here's some of the funny stuff on the side of the black box:

1. Don't put them in a room with a beast. (How'd they know about Layla?
2. Don't ignore them. (I really can't)
3. Don't paint them blue.
4. Don't lie to them. (Never)
5. Don't leave them in a store.
6. Don't buy them shoes.
7. Don't let them talk to strangers. (I love that one)

There's a note on the bottom of the box: This might be the bottom of the Screaming Yellow Zonkers box! There is one way you can check this. Open the top and turn the box upside down. If the zonkers fallout, this is the bottom. If they fallup, this is the top. If nothing happens, this box is empty.

This is zonkers history from the web site, written in true zonkers form: Hey dudes! The outlandish spirit of the 1960's lives on with Screaming Yellow Zonkers®, the light, crunchy popcorn snack with the sunny yellow glaze. Zonkers became a favorite among those who craved sweetened popcorn but didn't dig nuts. ***so true ***The first item in the food industry to be packaged in black, Zonkers created a sensation because of its comical graphics and zany text. The spirit of the '60's lives on today in the updated version of the black box.

Anyway, at this point there aren't 24 boxes any more. We've been raided and now we're down to 16. Make that 15...the one I have in front of me is almost empty. I'm heading for the basement with what's left. Have to find some place to stash these puppies....On second thought maybe I should hide them at my office...no, no...they eat anything there. I know, I'll just have to work the zonkers into some kind of cupcake! Screaming Yellow Zonkers: get zonked!


  1. Anonymous10:39 PM

    How did they know about Layla! You're killing me. Hahaha ...

    Teri in L.A.

  2. Anonymous12:54 PM

    How have I never seen/heard of these before? 24 boxes! You're a hoot.

  3. I love that stuff! Thanks for reminding me. Wow, it's been ages and now I have a craving...

  4. Anonymous11:29 AM

    I've never heard of the stuff before- i need to go on a mission and find it!

  5. Anonymous10:39 PM

    ohmigod! The anti-Cracker Jacks! I love Zonkers! They're not brown like little poop nuggets and they don't have those awful coated peanut-like lumps (sorry C Jack lovers). Zonkers doesn't have the cool prize, but I'm ok without one more microscopic magnifying glass or goofy blurry tattoo. Yeah for you, CQ. Yes, hide the rest. No, don't bring them to work.

  6. Anonymous10:13 AM

    I've got Zonkers, man! Do I open the box and risk eating them in one setting, or do I just keep them on my desk, staring at them with a goofy grin and chuckling to myself?

    Oh, the pressure!

    I heart CQ even more now. She's my fairy godmother.

  7. Anonymous9:12 AM

    So I find the screaming yellow zonkers you speak of at Walgreens on 13 April and eat the entire box in a matter of minutes. The next day I return to Walgreens to find they will no longer stock them. What was on the shelf is all they had. I strategically zip to every Walgreens in a 40 mile radius only to find empty shelves where my beloved Screaming Yellow Zonkers once stood. I'm going Zonkers
    without my SCREAMING YELLOW ZONKERS. I know............I need therapy. 24 boxes that will be a good start!


  8. Anonymous12:14 AM

    Screaming Yellow Zonkers. Rest in Peas. You will always remain in my sweetest of memories.You may have been corny but you were always easy to stomach. Maybe someday, someone will pull your recipe out of the vault and put you into production again.

  9. Anonymous5:05 PM

    A few months ago I bought my "id" car: 2005 John Cooper Works Edition Mini Cooper S, Liquid Yellow. Had to have vanity plates, of course- never really seriously considered 'em before...

    Best choice by poll of friends, family and self: ZONKR, al la Screaming Yellow. But most who see it think of other Zonkers. Only the chosen select know the real import of the moniker!

  10. yessssss......Walgreen's used to carry the beloved Zonkers til early 2008.

    The nasty rumor is, they are no longer manufactured.

    A real pity. I don't want carmel, I don't want nuts, I don't want toffee, no thanks CrackerJack....I long for the plain sweet tasty buttery, salty goodness of the departed Zonkers. Oh, Please, Oh Please won't some smart snack food maker have mercy and try a resurrection ?!?!?

  11. Anonymous8:34 PM

    Looks like someone has picked up the torch and is making these for sale! Buy Screaming Yellow Zonkers now

  12. Julie6:19 PM

    First of all, ConAgra bought Lincoln Snacks and according to Wikipedia, CA is known for being rather nasty in their business practices. I emailed them, whining and begging them to stop beating my inner child with the cruel withholding of Screaming Yellow Zonkers...but I doubt the corp giant will hear little ol' me. Secondly I feel compelled to mention, to the person who said they didn't offer the prize like Cracker Jacks...shenanigans!! No, they don't in recent years...but when I was a kid in the 80's, they had these awesome plastic monsters in there. Word to the wise...if a quirky snack company ever runs a weird promo and puts toys in the package, SAVE THEM forever! They're probably worth money now. Hell, an unopened box of Zonkers is probably worth a small fortune now. Good luck finding one though...impossible to hoard Zonkers and keep them unmunched for long...how are those 24 boxes doin' there, cupcake-person? ;)